Can This Marriage Be Saved

LoveQuest Incorporated

358 Avery Landing Augusta, GA 30907

Because Your Family Matters

Yes It Can!

The question is not whether is can be saved, it is will you allow God to save it!

“We still love each other; we’re just not in love anymore.” I’ve heard it hundreds of times, that hopeless statement from couples who are losing their marriage and just don’t know what to do. Or something like this: “We’ve tried everything, even counseling, and nothing has helped.” What a joy it is to be able to share with hurting couples that the “everything” they have tried is not everything that there is. There is hope. God has a plan that will work. What you have done is what you know to do. What is really happening is that God is driving you back into His Word to share with you a deeper part of Himself that will give you and your marriage new and abundant life. For example, here are five simple truths* that can give us all new hope.

The Word of God says that genuine love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:8) Therefore, if the love you have has gone flat, been wounded beyond endurance, or has just gone away, we have only to search out the dynamics of God’s love that were not present in the love you had. What you had may have failed or simply come up short of your dreams and expectations. What God has won’t. In fact, what God has to give we don't know how to dream or even expect. It's just that good. The wisdom, understanding, and knowledge God has to offer has the ability to supersede human imperfections, faults, even personalities and character flaws. “Through wisdom a house is built and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.” Proverbs 24:3 Here are a couple of simple biblical facts that will help you understand how different God’s love is from that of the world.

Love is rational, and we can understand it! The Bible says that “God is love.” Is He rational? Is He real? Does He invite us to understand Him? Yes to all! Neither God nor love is simply a fleeting emotion. Love is rational. This means we can define it, and it behaves with predictable and absolute character enabling us to embrace it, put it where it isn’t, cultivate it where it’s gone cold, and to nurture it where it needs to grow. The deeper we embrace God, the better we understand what genuine love is and we can set aside the caricature of love we have been given in the past.

Love is a choice! Most of us did very little to fall in love when we met our mate. That’s why they call it “falling in love”. That kind of love is very valid; emotionless love is pretty dull. But now, for whatever reason, that love has gone flat or disappeared altogether. So, what do you do? The problem lies in that you did nothing to start it the first time, so now you don’t know what to do to get it back. Some say, “Go back and do what you did in the first place.” But that advice bears little substance because you don’t really know what you did in the first place. You can date again, say loving things again, write little love notes, and make phone calls in the middle of the day, but that doesn’t change the frustration, the hurt, and the anger that has come to be a part of your relationship. Besides, if you could figure out exactly what you did in the beginning to create such desire and passion and repeat it, you’d just wind up back here in the same condition in less time than before. It’s Einstein that was quoted as saying, “The insanity of man lies in doing the same thing today you did yesterday and expecting a different outcome.” The truth is that there are other dimensions of love that you have failed to initiate and implement in your relationship. Emotional love, genuine intimacy, passion and desire, feed off of these missing elements. Without them, passion wanes and dies. That type of love, hot as it is, has an expiration date when left to sustain itself. God can give you a three dimensional love and intimacy that increases in intensity over the years.

You can put love where it is not! That’s right, you can put love where it is not. Granted, you cannot command emotion. But love is more than emotions and you can make educated, specific choices that will channel the emotions you need back to the place they should be. The good news is that the more skilled you become in your choices, that more intense the emotions that follow will be. Love is a learned skill, and I can learn about it and become skilled at it from the Word of God.

Love is the power that produces love as I learn how to give it rather than working to attract it! Why do we love God? Simple. Because He first loved us. “We love Him because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:19 It was the love of God that overcame all our spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical road blocks to draw us unto Himself. That same love lives in us today who are true believers in Christ Jesus. As we learn how to genuinely love others, then their hearts are drawn to us by that love.

These are just a few of the truths given to us in the Scriptures that enable us to understand and love each other genuinely and passionately. There are many more. Can this marriage be saved? Of course it can. The question is how willing are you to allow God to make the changes in your life that will heal your marriage? See "Would You Be Healed?" article. It will take some study, some work, and a willingness to allow God to make some changes in your thinking and lifestyle, but that is a journey that becomes pure joy. So let’s get started on your LoveQuest Journey today!

* These five simple truths are adapted from Dr. Ed Wheat's book Love Life for Every Married Couple. Zondervan 1980